‘Not known or definite, up in the air, unsure’
The unknown tends to make us uncomfortable.
We’re conditioned to categorize our happenings into something concrete and tangible: Is it good or bad? Go or no-go? Happy or sad? Yes or no?
When something is uncertain we may feel anxious, seeking to classify the situation into black or white, running as fast as we can from the grey zone. The result is a mental suffering, driven by a continued back and forth between hope and fear. We want to know where we stand, we want the answer, the conclusion. We seek certainty.
“What’s the next step?” “I don’t like surprises” “I like to be in control” “Where is this going?”
If something is seen as positive, life is hopeful, life is good.
But when it’s seen as negative, life feels scary, there’s fear, we’re upset, and we seek to urgently resolve it so that we can be hopeful again. We want to feel safe, secure, feel the ground under our feet.
What if we could hang out in the grey zone? What if uncertainty was the accepted status quo. What if impermanence was the only ground we had to stand on?
Does anything stay unchanged in our lives? Is anything 100% certain?
All we have is this moment. Are you secure enough in your inner self to get comfortable with uncertainty? Can you believe that YOU are enough?
Can you have faith that everything is unfolding as it should? Can we see this space of grey as a time to go deeper, get more grounded, be in this moment and nowhere else.
Can we get out of our minds? Get away from all the chatter, all the story-lines that we’re constantly creating about others, and ourselves.
Life has shown me many times that nothing is a given, nothing is permanent and yet I continue to crave the surety – someone to hold my hand, something to validate me, to ascertain my worth.
And so I go inwards…
Work with the facts – not the story
Separate the facts from the story-line you’ve created. Our egos are quick to create a story out of everything that happens. Our attachment to these stories create the anxious cycle of hope and fear.
Perceived positive things inflate the ego, validate our worth – we seek to sustain this feeling.
Perceived negative things threaten the ego, tell us we’re not good enough – we run from this feeling.
Can we stick to the facts of what’s happening? The facts are what everyone would see when looking at the situation:
“I didn’t get the job” “We broke up” “I got a raise” “I’m getting married”
The story is the ego working to either inflate itself or express how it’s threatened so that it can seek solid, positive, safe ground again:
“I’m not good enough” “all bad things happen to me” “I’m not loveable” “I’m the most intelligent” “I’m the most beautiful”
Association with the story creates the hope and fear – it continues the cycle of suffering, the constant need for validation and security. The pain, the hurt, the elation, it comes from a deep rooted sense of not being enough as we are.
Stick to the facts. Work with what IS and take your next step from there. Fully knowing that YOU are enough, just as you are, in this moment, to deal with whatever comes up.
Know it’s happening for a reason.
The change, the shift in momentum, it’s happening for a reason. You may not see it yet. It’s not imperative that you do.
Have faith that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. Life is unfolding exactly the way you need it to. You are always being taken care of.
Everything that happens is leading you to your best self, to your true self – this is where deep joy resides.
Consider: “what you resist, persists” – Carl Jung
Our suffering comes from our resistance to accepting what IS.
Resisting requires energy, work, putting up a fight. What in your life are you resisting? What are you holding onto with urgency? Can you see the hope or fear that’s driving the fight? Can you see the story-line?
We may find solid ground for a little bit, but when we don’t deal with the root cause, the sense of lacking, then life will find a different way to drive home the same message. Do you see the pattern in your own life?
State the facts and accept the situation as is.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re giving up – it means you’re opening up to the lesson in this experience – opening up to the opportunity for growth.
Letting go of our need for safe ground releases the resistance. It’s freeing. It means letting go of the story-line we’ve created, working with the facts and acting from a place of wholeness and clarity.
Get out of your mind
Come back into your body. Notice your breath. Feel the energy pulsing through your hands, feet, chest. This brings you into the present moment – it provides a pause from the rushing thoughts, a pause from the urgency to find solid ground. Don’t miss out on life because you’re caught up in the story.
When we release the story-line, things get clear, less muddled, and our next step in this groundless space becomes evident.
State the facts, have faith, let go of the need to define it and be in the now. (Repeat, repeat, repeat….)