‘recurring with the same form, a repeated design’
There may be outcomes in our life that seem to keep repeating. Outcomes that we feel we could do without.
Maybe we find that our days are always rushed. Or the opposite, our days feel boring, dull, disconnected. Maybe we feel like we deal with a lot of rude people throughout the day.
Maybe we feel people aren’t there for us, people don’t get us, the right people aren’t coming into our lives, the right opportunities, success, health, love.
What in your life is playing on repeat?
What keeps happening that you complain about but have almost come to expect and accept as normal?
“It’s just the cards I’ve been dealt with.”
“It’s not in my control.”
“It’s just the way life is.”
Well it’s not true.
The outcome you want and deserve, a better outcome, better days, better interactions, better health, more love, fun – it’s all waiting for you.
If you’re sighing at this point, rolling your eyes or ready to switch tabs, don’t. Sometimes we need to open our minds and do exactly what annoys, frustrates and makes us scoff the most.
The change you want is found in doing things completely differently.
See the whole pattern.
It’s not isolated. The outcomes, what life presents to you, it’s all linked to your thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, behaviours.
So go backwards and forwards.
Think of an undesired outcome in your life. A specific interaction, when you first met a certain person, a specific event, call, meeting.
Now think to 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day before the event, interaction and ask yourself:
Were your thoughts positive or negative?
Were you feeling energized or drained?
Did you believe deep down that you deserve and will have positive, productive outcomes in your life? Or were you believing deep down that life will always be a hustle, a struggle?
What was your body language, tone, facial expression, posture?
Stay with me.
Now go forward, 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day after the event and repeat all the same questions as above.
When you go backwards, you will likely find something in your internal messaging that was expecting a negative outcome.
When you go forwards, the feelings that resulted from the event were likely internalized and validated a negative belief about yourself – and so the cycle continues.
It’s not about blame, it’s about curiosity.
It’s hard to admit and accept that most outcomes are in our control.
Why is it so hard?
Because we are so quick to blame.
It’s their fault or it’s ours. And we definitely don’t want to point the finger at ourselves all the time!
So don’t. You don’t deserve bad things, life is not after you – in fact, it’s always supporting you.
We perceive things as bad, as awful, when really, everything that comes our way is for our own growth – it’s meant to show us where we’re stuck.
We could explore, examine the obstacle and find a way to work through. But instead we go the other way, we’ve gotten so comfortable wearing blinders, shrugging problems aside, and pointing fingers.
Change the pattern, change the outcome.
Continue to go backwards and forwards with the outcomes in your life.
Notice your thoughts, and with intention, start to replace the negative ones with positive, productive, ones.
Fake it until you make it.
It will feel strange to introduce new thoughts at first. You won’t believe them.
Why should I say “I deserve love” “I am healing my body” “I will have a great day” “I am good enough” “success is all around me” when I don’t believe it?
Because you are sending a message.
Your subconscious mind is always working, it processes information 1000 times faster than your conscious mind, and it is always trusting you to direct its efforts.
You have a faithful, tireless servant, what will you tell it to do?
Be intentional, purposeful and send direction clearly and consistently.
The subconscious mind does not respond well to mixed messages.
Train your mind like you train the body.
You run, go to the gym, yoga, pilates, whatever your method. At times, you may struggle to get up early, to motivate yourself after work, sometimes you skip it, but you do your best to commit and keep at it.
It’s the same with your mind. Commit to a practice, to observing patterns, to sitting in stillness, to writing out your thoughts. Start small, work up. Sometimes you’ll do it happily, other times you’ll roll your eyes, sigh, or skip it all together.
The discipline is in continually coming back to a practice without judgement or criticism.
Notice your patterns. Replace negative unproductive thoughts, beliefs, actions with positive productive ones. Be Patient, recommit, and see your world shift.
Excellent advice, Shivalee. Many thanks.
Thank you for the feedback Angela, hope you’re keeping well 🙂